Facepalm

Its so weird, sometimes I behave like its my responsibility to take care of everyone around me. I take it upon myself  to safeguard my loved ones from the evil of the world. 

I forget they’re individuals and can take care of themselves, that if they make a statement, its their responsibility to face the consequences. 

Today, one such incident happened and I didn’t wait for the consequences. I assumed that things would go out of hand, if I don’t interfere and I was all over the place. Until, I was facepalmed. 


It was then I realised, I had crossed the limit. My love for the person was actually suffocating. Sometimes, you need to be slapped across the face, to be woken upto reality. 

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To Good Health!

I’m 34 now. I call this period as Middle age of my Life.

I don’t believe i will live up-to to see my 80’s. Given the life style i am living, the pollution, stress and the food we eat, I don’t think I will cross 60. If i do, I’m lucky.

I don’t know much about my previous generations, but my Mom, Dad, Uncles and Aunts, Grand parents, haven’t had a very healthy life. Everyone’s suffering from or died of illness. I would assume, carrying their genes, I would also face a similar health issues.

I have come to terms with my health.  I will take care of it as much as possible and in-turn have a quality of life until I’m alive.

Fat is an adjective that describes me from my childhood. I remember my cousins, friends from school, college, called me fat, even when I was actually not as heavy as I’m today. Since then, I’m conscious about my weight and I still am. Its not that I’m lazy, may be I’m lazy, or… It wasn’t of a concern until now.

Losing weight is not for looking good anymore. Its regarding my health now. the extra kilos have started taking toll on my health, nothing major, but I can sense it. I want to start taking care of my health before its too late.

As the first steps, I have started healthy eating. I cook at home, 3 meals a day. We are not ordering food or dining out so often now. [we used to dine out every weekend and order something in between. It had been a routine. D and me love spicy food. we ate to relish the taste and also was lethargic to cook all the time and hardly thought about healthy eating.]

I still love the roadside Savories and Ice-creams, but have limited it. I have also started with an hour of Walking.

I want to be steady than hurry up the process and lose interest. Not a good habit for my age…

 

 

Mid Year Resolutions!

All of a sudden I remember, half of the year has gone by. I suddenly feel an anxiety about not accomplishing something, a rush to towards some unnamed goal.

Does it happen to every one? It happens to me twice every year. Once, somewhere around June and July, when I realize half of the year is gone by and I havent even started with my new year resolutions and once in January, close to my birthday, thinking I would be a year older and have nothing to show in my accomplishments list.

I havent made in resolutions for this year, well I should say, announced any, although have so many in my head. SO this Half yearly anxiety has hit me this week and I’m getting a little worried about them.

Based on this Mid Year Crisis, I have picked up a few resolutions that are prominently bugging me.

And the List goes on like this…

  1. Weight Loss [that has been No: 1 issue all through my life, but now, I’m more concerned with regards to health]
  2. Business growth. [I run a candle business from home, I’m still at hobby stage, want to take it up to next level]
  3. Photography [Talking about hobbies, Photography has taken a backseat this year. I almost didn’t take it out of the bag for months.]
  4. Blog [I havent been regular at blogging, nowadays. Want to do it more often]

SO these are some of the things causing my MYC.

I have come up with a few thoughts about how I will resolve these issues. Let me how long and how well I will go with it.

Will be back soon with updates.. CIAO!!

Working on Myself

I’m trying to concentrate on myself.

Trying to move away from all the crap around, I’m trying to focus the view on myself. So, I decide to look through me.

Physically, I’m in bad shape now.

When I say bad shape, I’m truly out of shape. It’s been a concern for a few years, but I hardly did anything about it. I hardly thought about myself though.

With lot of efforts I’m trying to discipline myself. It’s so hard. I enjoyed every bite I took, every morsel I relished. And now, it’s on display. I never thought of what my body needs, or how much my body needs. It’s not that I hog, but I haven’t been able to control what I eat. So I am at task with myself. I am at disciplining myself at everything I do. What I eat, what I drink, how I look, what I wear, what I say and what I want to hear. I’m working on the whole with myself.

I want every change I make is permanent. It stays with me for life. Not just food, but, my attitude, my choices, my friends and family, everything. Because you just can’t cleanse your soul, and keep yourself messy outside, or, you can’t look fit physically but your thoughts feed on jealousy and hatred. I know it’s not going to be easy, but I’m trying.

I’m trying to better myself, Inside out. I will do it.

I want to make lifestyle changes. I want to be healthy. There are certain health issues that have popped up and my “weight” being the reasons. Nothing major, but I don’t want to wait until its life threatening.

I have also observed my family is my mirror. What I do reflects in all of them. So my changes should reflect on them too. I’m doing this for them too. Certain things are common among us. Like, we don’t eat fruits regularly. The only fruits that we eat are apple and Bananas. We love eating out. Not junk exactly, but the elaborate dinners and the bakery products are the main culprits. So I want to make sure my husband and daughter to eat healthy and I am their model.

I have tried dieting, I have tried pills, I have tried shakes, but they have given temporary relief. I can’t commit to work at a certain place at certain time, so Gym is not my option. I have gone to a few gyms, made an enquiry, asked for a personal trainer and stuff, but can’t get myself to go to a gym. So I diet. And after 3 days, I have found myself tired and hungry which leads to binging. I have never stuck onto a routine. Maybe there was no compulsion, no commitment, and no necessity. Yes, that’s the right word. I didn’t have the necessity, because first thing, my body parts were not protruding out of my clothes, my clothes covered my bulging body, I could find clothes that fit well to my body, and covered the bulges. It was easy to go get a size that fit me well. I didn’t have any health issues.

Today it’s difficult to fit into the dress I like. It’s embarrassing to try the last size available and not look good n it or find my tummy bulging out. My leg hurts while walking, I go to the doctor and he tells me it’s my weight, I have issues with my menstrual cycles and the gynac tells me reduce your weight.

This is where I stand now. So it’s become a “necessity” to lose those extra 60 pounds. Yes 60 pounds, 30 kgs that I have been accumulating all this while. Probably, flab is the only thing you can accumulate by doing nothing, and would do anything to lose it.

A New Turn @ Thirty One

It’s my birthday today. I turn 31.

Every Year there’s so much excitement about buying new clothes, planning the day, what we will be doing, where we will be going. So many things on mind. It was a compulsory issue for my hubby to stay at home to spend time with me. The celebration would always start from the previous night.

Somehow this year has been so different. It’s just the opposite of every year. No planning, no party, no hubby. Yeah, he’s out of town for the Annual Office Meet. Of course I have bought new clothes for the day, but no interest in wearing them, as he’s not around. Still, I’m not depressed [all though I’m a little sad writing this] I’m not angry, I haven’t or want to emotionally black mail my hubby through SMSes and calls and make him feel guilty about not being around.

bday

My mind’s at peace. It’s like any other day. I got up on time, I packed DK’s bags for the Meet, and I sent my daughter to school on time and picked her up after school. I am doing my daily chores like any other day.

What is wrong with me? This is not me celebrating my birthday. My Birthday is very special to me. It’s the biggest celebration of my life. I have celebrated my birthday so big even during my darkest days. What does it mean? Am I so depressed that I am not feeling the pain of DK not being there or Have I just grown so old in one year that I feel celebrating Birthdays is no longer a celebration. I’m confused about my own behavior.

May because I’m more peaceful and satisfied about the life I’m leading. May be the young girl at heart has matured with age. May be Life had taken a new turn with this Birthday. May be it’s a blessing from heaven, What ever it is hopefully for good. Thank you lord, for such a wonderful lesson and such a wonderful life.

 

 

Friends for Life

I so want to start off with my Christmas Project. I have just ordered for a few molds, hope I’ll get them soon, so I can start off with it.

Mean while, I saw my ex best friend’s photo on FB. [Yup… ex is the latest prefix which can be added to anything that’s exhausted (in) your life] It reminded me of so many things and let me wondering about who is my current Best friend? Or do I even have one, a real one, a physical one? I have been thinking about it all through the day now… I don’t have a best friend, or a close friend or just a friend, who physically can be present with me, a friend whom I can meet up for Lunch, a Dinner or even for a coffee.

I am feeling so weird about it.  Is it possible for a person to be without a friend? I know, they are called loners and losers, I’m not talking about them, they are of a different kind. I am talking about people like me, I mean; I’m not a lunatic, or an introvert or whatever… I did have a few who now, are busy with their own life and a few, I lost them myself. It’s weird, but it’s the truth.

So, if I have a situation [none that I can think of] and I want to tell somebody about it, who would I tell that too? Like “Meredith for Christina – in Grey’s Anatomy” or “Rachel for Monica – in Friends” or “Garfield for John – in Garfield”. I may talk to my hubby, mom or my sis. But there are some things that cannot be shared with them, then?

Those lil secrets sink deep inside me. [Sob… yeah seriously, I’m feeling bad writing this]

[After a pause and deep breathe] My Life Sucks…

Yeah, I said that.

[After a few minutes of staring at the keyboard until my vision goes completely blur… I’m woken up from my sulking by my father in law’s ringing phone]

What the Heck? Yes I don’t have a physical friend, so what? I have friends online from all over the world, who have been my grand support in whatever I do. They like all my stupid posts, shared links, my photos, my candles. What more can I ask for. Everybody cannot have everything. And everything we have in this small life is precious.

Its part of life to sow, to grow and one day wither… [Did I write that? Wow]

I’m Sick!

Okay… So I here I’m an irregular blogger. I tried my best to be up to date. I’m very bad at managing time, I’m Sorry. There were so many things to be noted but, I just find no time when I have thoughts brewing in my mind and am too tired when I wanted to write.

I have been very sick lately. I have been complaining about ear pains from a long time [it started in January] none of the doctors I visited so far could identify the problem. They ran so many tests, they put me on medications but nothing worked. One day I woke up with terrible ear pain, throat pain and headache. We visited our general physician, but he couldn’t do much. I had to see an expert. I went to Dr. Rudrappa’s ENT Clinic. [A well known ENT surgeon, with 40 years experience. He’s DK’s relative too] they diagnosed that I was suffering from Severe Lower Respiratory Tract Infection. Wow, sounds something serious isn’t it? Well, it was. I was supposed to be in bed rest for almost 2 weeks for it. Though the problem was internal, any physical movement would increase breathing causing severe cough and wouldn’t stop for anything. Even if I shift sides while sleeping I would end up draining my energy by severe cough. The cough was so bad, at the end of the day my whole facial muscles would spasm. Being a mom of a three year old and with no maids at hand was such a difficult situation. It’s been three weeks now and I’m still on medication. I do all my regular chores but, still restricted on doing strenuous jobs. I have even stopped attending Yoga classes. Simple pranayama would make me look like a Tuberculosis patient.

Hopefully I will get well soon. I have so many things to write about.