10 Years Of Togetherness

I completed 10 years of marriage with D today. It’s been a bumpy road, but always enjoyed the ride. I wonder how I managed so far. I have learn’t certain things about how I can make our relationship better. I am not an expert but I have realized it through 10 years of my journey with him.

Most of the times controlling your spouse seems like having control over the relationship. This in turn brings anger and resentment for each other. Love blooms only when you respect each other’s space, both physically and emotionally. Going out with friends, spending time with other family members is sometimes refreshing.

I like it when D does something special to make me happy. But, it’s not his job always. I’m responsible for my happiness. If I can’t adjust to a certain habit, or a person associated with him it’s my problem. Holding him responsible for it would be bondage. Yes, it’s difficult but coping with it is a learning of life. Compromise and happiness goes hand in hand.

I have asked D, probably a hundred times, if he loves me. The insecure feeling gets stronger as you age, gain weight; quit the job and many more changes. A slight ignorance from him triggers depression. Slowly during the journey, I realized nobody can love me more than I do and loving myself is, caring for my body, mind and soul. The more confident and strong I’m, the more lovable I’m.

Everything has a shelf life, but not love. It’s unconditional. Setting boundaries, holding grudges, Tit for Tat aren’t the terms to be used in a husband and wife relationship. Letting go doesn’t mean failure, its shows how much you value the relationship. Rather, sharing my feelings, telling him I’m hurt is more soothing than holding grudges. Going to bed alone when he’s late, only to wake up to find him sleeping next to me is more romantic than setting boundaries. Taking turns is more exciting than tit for tat’s.

More than anything, I have put in a lot of effort and time in nurturing this relationship. I simply don’t want it collapse coz I was angry for a few minutes for some silly reason.

All that I have said above is my initiative to keep our relationship going. Of course, he reciprocates with same amount of love and dedication.

That’s how we have walked so long so far….

 

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Missing… You!

So, this is about a friend, who has disappeared. He just decided to vanish from my world. Reasons unknown.

JJ and Me are good friends [real good friends… no strings attached]; his friendship meant a lot to me. I met JJ at work. we both worked in the same team. I don’t remember a situation or a day that bonded us, but a lot of people envied our friendship. JJ is matured and smart, unlike me. He’s a man of few words, but whatever little he spoke meant a lot.After he got married, he moved out of India. He lives in a far off land from mine, but I never missed him. Thanks to technology like emails, Facebook and Whats app, that kept us in touch.

And one fine day, he decides to hide, go missing, just vanish. Barring all communication, without even leaving a note. Any type of communication or contact is a dead end. I messaged, wrote emails, called his number, even a few friends tried to reason… but no. Its just a dark dead end.

Its been over a year, since JJ’s absconding and I’m still trying figure out what went wrong. I always think it must be me, when some relationships go sour. I think, maybe I could have been more active, more empathizing, more reaching out, to keep it going. I sulk, I cry, I’m depressed. For over a year now, I’m still fighting my memory to recall of any incidents that would have caused the rift. I have no clue. When in panic or pain, all bad thoughts surround you making things worst. That’s scarier. I think if he’s sick and he’s trying to hide. Maybe he’s stressed up with lot of work, or maybe, his wife is too possessive to relate to our friendship. or its just that he lost his phone and lost my number too.

After thinking, pondering, sulking, I realize, some questions just don’t have answers. Somethings are just meant to be.

Now, I think I deserve an answer, a reason or at-least a decent bye, if you just had to walk away. Cmon… I’m a good person. I have been a good friend and I deserve it.

Four Years!!! Milestones Of My Life

I completed four years of Blogging on 27th of November.

most of the times frustration has been my subject, but I guess I have improved a lot in the way i have portrayed it. That’s what I feel, after I read a few posts from the past. I have also observed that there has been a lot of change in the attitude too. I have mellowed down,  I have learn t to see things from different perspectives. I have been successful in putting my opinion in matured and positive way. Its nice to see the change but, I still feel there is still so much scope for improvement.

I had never written anything before this. I knew friends who wrote dairies and found it so difficult to hide them from others. My friends hide their dairies to keep the strangers knowing their secrets, some wrote in codes and some burnt their dairies after writing them.  I never wrote because of the fear of leaking my secrets. I so wanted to write, but never dared to. In 2006, there was flare for blogging picked up all over like the Facebook now. Many of my friends spoke about it, especially about the privacy and  security.  So I thought I’ll give it a shot too. Blogging started as an experiment, but now, it has become a part of my life. I have to look at it at least once day, [I write or not, doesn’t matter].

My first experiment was with Blogger.com. It was amazing but, it wasn’t as classy as WordPress is.  SO I got carried away and changed my loyalties to WordPress. Actually, It really doesn’t matter, They have just been a medium.Its my words that count for me. I was and am happy with both of them.

When I started it was just me, and now I have a few friends who have joined my journey. The fear of somebody reading my blogs had always been there, but now it has become my confidence. My friends have been very supportive and encouraging. I have also realized that my friends will love me for what I am.

So with this I aim to write such emotional recaps in future too and celebrate many more Anniversaries…

Cheers…

A special thanks to Prem for being there with me from the first day of my blogging! Thanks Prem.

Milestones of My Life – Dhruva

While I was still at AOL, there were a lot of handsome men around, but this guy held my attention.

I had put back all my crushes and concentrating on moving ahead in my career, my parents brought up the topic of marriage. They wanted to get me married. I was just 24. But, they never wanted to listen what I want. They started looking for alliances.

I was not in a mood to get married and settle down so soon.  My concept about marriage was like any ordinary middle class girl [which I was] had assumed I would have a husband who would have a hectic job and odd timings and loves cricket [like any other man in the country] with my in laws staying with us. I would have to take care of the household have kids [only 2, I decided] and look after them until they get married.

I had a tuff time at work. I somehow had to make it to next level, if not I knew it would just be a job, a medium for earning, not a profession. While I was sweating it out at office for the post of Technical Writer, My parents invited a few guests for coffee. [The matter had its own dimensions] and I was asked to stay at home. That is when I saw Dhruva. It was a casual meeting.. My parents were invited to their house. They met and decided to get us married.

I was returning home from a tedious night shift, all tired and alone in the cab. The loud music was annoying me, I just wanted to sleep. It was an anonymous message just saying ‘Hi’. I knew it was him. Suddenly there was some kind of magic in the air. My energy level boosted to maximum. My dull face was lit with a smile and I kept smiling all through the day. The conversation began and we chatted the whole day. I don’t remember what. I couldn’t sleep. It was my weekend the next day and had a function to attend to in the evening. We spoke to each other for first time that day at 11 pm.

From the time we met, he has been so sweet to me. Even today, he’s the one who obliges. We will be completing 5 years of togetherness very soon, but I’m not bored of him. I wait to see his smile every morning; I wait for him to return home like I did 5 years ago. He hasn’t changed at all. He religiously wishes me good morning; he kisses me good night everyday. We miss each other when we stay apart. I guess this is possible only because of him. His unconditional love has kept us bonded and left was wanting for more of each other.

Most of the times I’ve heard children divide the time between couples. But that has never happened to us. He still gives me the same amount of time like he used to. He calls me from office, even if he has nothing to talk about. He spends the whole weekend with me and doesn’t get bored.

It’s not easy to handle a person like me. I’m a riot. I have taken a lot of advantage of Dhruva’s patience. It’s always him, who’s gone apologize no matter who makes the mistake. I’m adamant and strong headed when it comes to apologies. It’s easy to handle my daughter than me. He has never complained about anything to me or to anybody. He has fulfilled every desire; he has supported me in every decision and never asked me why? He has been there with me in all my failures and never ridiculed me. If not for him, I would have walked out of this marriage long ago, may be for not his mistake but my stupidity.

I would not be what I’m if not fro him. He has given me an identity of my own. But I like to call myself Soumya Dhruvakumar and show the world that I’m a part of him.

Friends @ AOL – Kiran Kumar

Milestones Of my Life – Friends @ AOL

Hmmm… Kiran! [I’m grinning] what more can I say? No matter what part of the day (or night it is…) he would be the brightest person around. He’s different. He is always happy and cheerful. Even if he has had a bad day and his boss said  mean things to him, he still finds something to laugh in it. I mean, this guy can never get serious about anything. Even when he decided to get married, he sends a photo of bunch of people and says this is the girl I’m getting married and I was left wondering who the lucky lady was.

I met Kiran when Deepak [my coach at AOL] went to Argentina and Beena was moved to another team. Kiran came to the team as CSS [Well, I have forgotten its expansion but we called them Consultant’s servant] with Prashanth as our coach. I was not happy with this change as I had got used to Deepak’s rules and regulations. He was strict and many rules to follow. But when Kiran and Prashanth came in, every rule was broken. Every ‘don’t’ became a ‘must do’. It came as a shock to me. But a pleasant one though.

One more thing he is famous for is his big mouth. Every line he speaks has a censored word. He can add dual meaning even into a spiritual debate. Anything he said, we would split into a loud laugh gathering everybody’s attention. With all these speech abilities, he also was very encouraging. He kept boosting my enthusiasm to get into every IJP [Internal Job Preference] offered by the company. He did motivate me during the rough times of my career.

Charlie and His Angels

Everybody who knew us would call him Charlie and us (that includes Annu, Akila and Me) as his angels because we would make his mission impossible (OOPS…) I mean possible. All four of us put together were a torture to the whole team [especially Deepak, after he came back]. There’s no one day when we haven’t cried… laughing.

John, Kiran and me shared a very special bond. We understood each other without even saying a word. Whenever John and I fought, it would be Kiran who’s running for life (as both of us used to show all our frustrations on him) we knew life would take us in different directions, yet hoped to be as strong as a group we were, in our own path of life.

Life took its own direction and we parted for good. John was the first to move out. Next was Akila, then It was Kiran’s turn. And then Beena left, Then Annu and many more. I stayed there for long, waiting for everything to fall into place and bring back those happier moments again. It was a long wait. It was a big vacuum in my life. I had everything that I wanted, but nothing I needed. I realized AOL was not anymore for me. I didn’t enjoy it anymore. Every body who I wanted had gone. And who ever remained I hated them. Finally, I quit. There ends my AOL’s journey.

Anyways, Kiran is still the same after so many years. We still talk to each other, but very rarely, rarer than John. But Kiran’s a Sweetheart.

I miss you Kiran, Thanks for being my Friend

Friends @ AOL – John Jogy

Milestones of My Life – Friends

At AOL, Recruitment took place almost everyday for different departments. As and when the company grew, the teams also started growing [from 8 consultants to 10 and to 16]. New recruits came joined our team too. At the same time there were a few peers who left the team as they got promoted or moved on to a new company.

That is when I met John and Kiran. Not everybody becomes my Friend, but once you do, it is for a lifetime. John is one such human being, who’s influenced my life tremendously. He was so determined about what ever he did. He was so serious about life. He was an introvert and is even today. He was short tempered. He made his own rules. Once he decides to do something that’s it. Example: If he decides not to pick your call after a silly misunderstanding, no matter what he wouldn’t and tortures without picking up the phone even if you call him 100 times an hour (Especially when you want to say sorry).

John had joined our team and I was his mentor. I felt he was too old to be mentored. Akila and I called him uncle behind his back. I don’t know how we got along, but we became very good friends. We have shared a lot of secrets of our lives; we have cried cause of those uncontrollable laughs about a silly joke. We have envied a lot of friends [Deepak mostly, especially Akila… I don’t know they didn’t get along with each other… even today, they don’t want to talk about each other].The time we spent at cafeteria and meeting at Coffee Day, in the mall at ITPL, many more cherished memories. Then something happened. John had to move out of the department. It made us very sad. Life changed all together. It was like a new season of your favorite show, curious to watch it but missed the old charm. He quit AOL and joined IBM. In a few months he got married, and moved to UK.

While I’m writing this, John messaged me saying he’s coming to India for a vacation. And we planned to meet.

Life is very different now [for both of us] the last time we met [just both of us] was at Coffee Day in 2006. This time when we met we had a life’s baggage, Our Kids. I have one and he has two [twins] John has changed so much. He is soft spoken, very gentle, very responsible and a lot of patience. I was surprised to see him calmly pacify his son who was crying for a toy car. He so skillfully managed both the kids and fed them without any hustle, while I was juggling between my hand bag and my daughter. I think he managed the kids better than me. Life has really tamed him a lot. What ever he is, he is still a wonderful person. .
Thanks for being my Friend.

Friends @ AOL – Akhila Prashanth

In the beginning Akila looked out of place for a call center. She always wore salwaars, a whole lot of bangles clinging her hands, oiled tresses; she would eat only curd rice during our team lunches and never joined us on team outings.

After Annu moved to Quality Department, Akila and I bonded well as we were the only girls in the team. At that time we were in the evening shift [6.00 pm] we would finish our shift by 3.30 am in the morning. The Last day of the week would always be an outing of our own type. We would go to the Coffee Day at the Basement and chat until the day breaks. We have spent a lot of money in coffee Day than on our makeup. Not just money, we spent so much time in Coffee day, the saying “warming the couches” must be changed to “burnt the couches”. She always drank Tropical Iceberg and I ordered Cappuccino. One more place that was open all around the clock at the IT Park was the Sandwich store. We ate cheese sandwiches there. We would buy takeaways and wander all around the mall and sit down at the water fall fountain and talk, talk and talk. I don’t remember what we spoke, but I know those are some of the best moments of my Life.

More than being good to each other, we have always fought and hung up on each other. One of the reasons for me to not have a boyfriend at AOL is Akila… She would envy every body who got closer to me (even the girls). She was very possessive about me. She would pick up fights or pass comments at them. But these never hurt me. I too liked her and I couldn’t say or do anything about it. John and I were good friends and Akila would pick up fights with him all the time.

One incident that’s memorable was when we all [THE WHOLE TEAM] decided to go for a break for breakfast. Akila didn’t like the idea, because John and I made the plan. She deliberately extended the call and asked me wait until she finishes the call. But I logged out. I didn’t wait for her, as I made the plan and didn’t want the other guys to wait. She came up when we had almost done with our breakfast and made a huge fuss about not waiting for her and screamed at me, John, Kiran.

She has gone through a lot in her life. Yet, she’s all smiles and lively. She recently got married. I am happy as I was part of that special occasion of her life. May god bless her with all that she wishes for…

Milestones of my Life – Friends @ AOL