I completed 10 years of marriage with D today. It’s been a bumpy road, but always enjoyed the ride. I wonder how I managed so far. I have learn’t certain things about how I can make our relationship better. I am not an expert but I have realized it through 10 years of my journey with him.
Most of the times controlling your spouse seems like having control over the relationship. This in turn brings anger and resentment for each other. Love blooms only when you respect each other’s space, both physically and emotionally. Going out with friends, spending time with other family members is sometimes refreshing.
I like it when D does something special to make me happy. But, it’s not his job always. I’m responsible for my happiness. If I can’t adjust to a certain habit, or a person associated with him it’s my problem. Holding him responsible for it would be bondage. Yes, it’s difficult but coping with it is a learning of life. Compromise and happiness goes hand in hand.
I have asked D, probably a hundred times, if he loves me. The insecure feeling gets stronger as you age, gain weight; quit the job and many more changes. A slight ignorance from him triggers depression. Slowly during the journey, I realized nobody can love me more than I do and loving myself is, caring for my body, mind and soul. The more confident and strong I’m, the more lovable I’m.
Everything has a shelf life, but not love. It’s unconditional. Setting boundaries, holding grudges, Tit for Tat aren’t the terms to be used in a husband and wife relationship. Letting go doesn’t mean failure, its shows how much you value the relationship. Rather, sharing my feelings, telling him I’m hurt is more soothing than holding grudges. Going to bed alone when he’s late, only to wake up to find him sleeping next to me is more romantic than setting boundaries. Taking turns is more exciting than tit for tat’s.
More than anything, I have put in a lot of effort and time in nurturing this relationship. I simply don’t want it collapse coz I was angry for a few minutes for some silly reason.
All that I have said above is my initiative to keep our relationship going. Of course, he reciprocates with same amount of love and dedication.
That’s how we have walked so long so far….