Concepts of Arranged Marriage

My sister and I had an argument about concepts of Arrange marriages, where I spoke for and she somewhat not convinced with it, which later turned to a spicy debate. I must tell you, it was so refreshing and morale boosting conversation to me and for her most of it was Bull S**T.

Well, to be truthful, yes, it was really enlightening to me about how and what I have achieved in these 5 years of marriage.

 My sis woes were basically about the groom. Her question was how can you get married to someone whom you have met [seen to be precise] only once? She thinks she needs to meet and talk to the guy a couple of times to really know him and then she would decide if he is the one… meeting the person outside the boundaries [boundary is meant be our respective homes] more than once would be called going around or dating and deciding on that person would be committing which are all concepts of love marriage is my presumption. So the conversation started off.

I said the first step to any marriage would be trust and that lays as a foundation to your future relationship. In Arrange Marriages, You first go through the Bride/Groom’s photo & Resume [specially designed for Marriages] then the family, their backgrounds, their social and financial status and then the Bride/Groom is asked if he/she liked the prospect [as a formality] the decision is already taken by the elders [parents/ guardians or the eldest of the family usually the grandparents]. That’s how it was for me [so I take the liberty to explain it this way to my sister]. I continued “Since there is parents support here, you already have a security to the relationship”. The foundation is already laid by your parents. With all these developments your mind automatically accepts that person to be your life partner. The good and bad would weigh the same.

All said… I looked back to my 5 years of marriage. I see life so different to what we are living now. I feel it’s like starting a life from scratch… like sowing a seed and reaping the fruits… like first brick laid to living in a well furnished, comfortable home. It’s all worth it.

 

 

 

 

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6 thoughts on “Concepts of Arranged Marriage

  1. Prem says:

    oye Somi,
    nice article abt Love Vs Arranged marriage. This topic is evergreen and there are lots of arguments for and against. Apart from all these arguments, i would also like to add that the concept of Arranged marriage is strongly ‘community / society’ based. There are lot of communities where the boy n gal dont even see each other before the wedding. The deal is made by the parents and other elders and the couple is made to stay with each other, to live ‘happily’ together. In such setting there is no place for love or trust or like. 🙂
    This is like a a Bus driver and Conductor relation, there is no need to love or like each other as long as they do their duty together.
    this in my humble opinion is not how a marriage should be.

  2. Soujanya says:

    Heads up for your blog Sis & thanks for dedicating this for me… But i agree to Anil’s thoughts what if love doesn’t happen, everybody wants to be nice in the first or second meet to impress the other person, frankly speaking even i would do the same. I would not show or tell my negativity in the first meet. I feel arranged marriage is like pressurizing, just becoz the parents have agreed your forced to marry the same person, even if you dont feel anything to that person.

    This is just my thought…

    • yetlearning says:

      Well, then you should be clear in what you want and tell your parents you will look for someone who will fit the bill. its a lot of pressure on parents too.

  3. Anil Kumar says:

    hey Soumya
    first of all must tell you that you blog write-ups are really good. quirky, short and up to the point. some of them are really really thought provoking, to mention a few “First time”, “Caught up in Confusion”, “I Hate this Feeling” come top of my mind. any way was reading this blog today and couldn’t help but think about what you had mentioned about “arranged” Marriage.

    [to quote]:
    I said the first step to any marriage would be trust and that lays as a foundation to your future relationship. In Arrange Marriages, You first go through the Bride/Groom’s photo & Resume [specially designed for Marriages] then the family, their backgrounds, their social and financial status and then the Bride/Groom is asked if he/she liked the prospect [as a formality] the decision is already taken by the elders [parents/ guardians or the eldest of the family usually the grandparents]. That’s how it was for me [so I take the liberty to explain it this way to my sister]. I continued “Since there is parents support here, you already have a security to the relationship”. The foundation is already laid by your parents. With all these developments your mind automatically accepts that person to be your life partner. The good and bad would weigh the same.
    [end quote]

    well this is just my point of view but don’t you feel that in today – especially today – more than any thing else love takes the top slot. more than trust!!! i mean whats the point in checking the family, background, social/financial status… etc,. if there is no love. agreed that love can happen later (read: after marriage), what iff… just what if love doesn’t happen???

    ps: just my thought/opinion 🙂

    • yetlearning says:

      Thanks for your Opinion Anil.
      Love happens… when your mind registers this is the person whom you are going to spend a life time with, the heart reacts.
      Yes it will be a difficult phase until you truly realize it, but it does happen. Its all within you, I’m the living example.
      I’m sure all successful Arranged Married couple would agree with me.

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