Its been a long time I have written something. I have a couple of reasons for it. One, it being festival season, caught up with the gods [Yup, we Indians, have more gods than relatives] and the second being my stress. I wonder so many times, being a full time mom and staying at home is in itself so stress full, I wonder what would happen of me, if I were working with the kid around.
This year we complete our five years of marriage, so we had few poojas at home. These rituals kept me so busy, that I had no time for myself at all. We had lot of shopping to do, had to run around a couple of time for my forgetfulness, we had relatives all around the house and also take care of my daughter and her project work [I skipped a project for this month, I couldn’t handle it]. With all this, my stress level built up and I didn’t even realize it.
Every tension, every worry has been piling up and I never realized it. I ignored it. Off late, I started feeling dizzy, I ignored it. Added to it I have started seeing stars during the day [well I mean, those little colorful dots that move around your eyes when you feel dizzy], Then started headaches. It became a regular thing. I decided to meet the doctor, but could not make time for it too. My life got so screwed up that… [Now that I mentioned that word, I realize we haven’t done that for a long time now… gee] I stopped everything and sat down to think why this was all happening and I realized it was all because I have been piling up my tensions and have no time to release it. Even while I’m writing this, I can feel my head spin,
I analyzed every thing I do in a day and most of the time is worry and hurry. I worry about every thing, every small peck of dust. My day starts… no worries start from the time the alarm rings, I have 2 alarms set, one to let me know its time to wake up and the other to actually wake up. My worries start when the first alarm rings. I start worrying about waking up as I would have slept late the last night. Once I’m awake, I don’t even enjoy the morning light, I worry about what I will prepare for my daughter’s snack box for school. Once I’m in the kitchen, my daughter is awake and she has her own list of problems already, the milk is too hot or too cold, or she wants to bathe first or she doesn’t want to go to school at all, sometimes she even decides what she wants for school and changes my plan. Once all her kitchen concerns are done with, her bathroom concerns start up. She has problems with the water temperature, and then she doesn’t want have a shower; she wants a different soap, different towel once we are done with it, wardrobe problems. She has problems starting with the color of her undies, going on to what hair clips she wants to wear. Once she’s dressed up she decides who has to drop her and it always is me. Her dad is not any lesser in throwing tantrums, but that’s far better compared to the daughter’s.
Once she is dropped to school, I hardly sit down with the coffee; it’s my pa in laws turn. Not done with it I have to run back to pick my daughter from her playschool [yup.. so soon, she there for only 2 hours.] I come back her problems shoot up again, with what she wants to eat, what she wants to see and more. Once I put her to sleep, Kitchen’s calling again, Ta..da.. Its time to cook lunch for the afternoon. Since my Pa in law is a diabetic patient and no matter we do, his blood sugar level is just not coming down. So cook special stuff for him. Just when I’m done with the cooking, my daughter wakes up, feed her, serve him and I’m tired. I so desperately want to take a nap, but my daughter wants to play, so she keeps waking me up, jumping all over me, and finally decides to go play at the park. So I get up and get her ready. It’s already evening. Well I get a small break from her, but I have other chores at home too. Like wash clothes, dust the house, clean up the scattered toys, iron clothes, etc… then prepare for dinner. Wow… I think it’s easy to be a Super man, than be a home maker. After dinner, I want to watch TV; I have 2 of my favorite serials at 10. No… they won’t let me watch it, coz dad and daughter are bonding. They talk, laugh, scream, shout, and fight in the same 12 x 12 room, where I want to watch my serials. By now, I have reached my melting point, and I yell at them at the top of my voice and they go to sleep. Since its quiet and peaceful I want watch some more TV, so I keep swapping channels and by the time I’m tired of swapping back and forth deciding on what to watch its already past midnight and I force myself to sleep worrying about waking up early in the morning… Gosh!
I do take small breaks in between ignoring the noise around me and get online, but that too is boring now a days. With all this fuss, My candle season is about to start. I’m preparing for it, I’m already late by 2 months, I haven’t collected any orders yet, I don’t know what I’m going to do.
I’m just sick and tired of this phase of Life .