Why Me?

Its been a long time, I spent time for myself. I was not busy, but not in a mood to write anything either. I don’t know sometimes, even the best of things you do too becomes boring. I should say, I have become cautious about what I’m writing as I know there are people who read what I write and I don’t want to look stupid in front of them. It’s not easy to hold back your feelings too. So I have decided I’ll write what I want to.

One of my cousins is getting married. It’s an inter-cast marriage. Such marriages are very rare in our family. A few that have been have faced objections and are outcast-ed. Yup, even in this era of Live in relationship too, there are a sector of people who don’t believe in Love marriages. Well, that is not the topic at all.

This cousin of mine has a reason [strong] to get married to another caste guy. She has a little background to be told. Her father passed away when she was in college. She has an elder sister, who quit education when she was 18, and younger brother who didn’t study more than high school. Her father had heart related health issues. They had already spent lakhs together for his treatment in which most of it was loan with high interest. So this girl is the only one who completes graduation and starts earning. What ever she earned was enough only to run the house. There was a huge boom in BPO industry that time. As I too was working for a BPO company, she found it easy way to earn big money. She’s been working in a BPO as a Consultant for almost 8 years now. The only reason she didn’t take promotions was she wouldn’t get that incentive in a higher level. The only property they owned was their grandfather’s 2 storied building. She renovated the building so they could rent a part of it. She got her sister married. They have improved a great deal in their financial status now.

The problem actually started after her sister’s marriage. Her sister was an ugly duckling and their financial status led to her sister’s late marriage, which in turn delayed this girl’s marriage. They have started looking for alliance for her from last one year and it’s been very traumatic for her. The alliance that approach her are either a divorcee, or a widower or with a low income level. The reason being, her age. She turned 31 this February. She was upset as she too like any other girl wants to marry prince charming and have a happy life too. She claims [and she is] still looks younger and she is educated and financially doing well. She doesn’t deserve such alliances at all.

Meanwhile, at the office, she has an admirer who like her for what she is been, the way she has taken things to her stride and fought for her family’s well being. He keeps track of every event of hers and is very impressed. This guy sends proposal to her through her colleagues. When that didn’t work he directly proposes her. My cousin who’s god fearing and has great respect for her family, rejects him. But the guy’s determined and waits for some more days, and then he approaches her again and proposes for marriage. By now my cousin who’s frustrated with the alliances she was getting back home, She gives his proposal a thought. This guy’s a very good match for her, as he’s educated, has a good family background is earning well and younger to her. She is reluctant with this guy’s proposal and depressed about the alliances. We have seen one of our cousin and her family being outcaste for the same reason,

The real matter concerning me begins now. She calls me up one day and talks to me about this guy. I didn’t want to really commit to anything. I was neither for nor against love marriage. I think its part of an individual’s life to make a decision. But, I couldn’t stand her plight she really had a situation there. All she wanted is consent to the marriage from our relatives and with out that she really didn’t want to marry and be left out, especially we being a huge family. I felt bad for her and promised to help her. I did all kinds of circus to put the message across to my mom. Though I succeeded in make her believe in love marriage, the tuff part was to tell her this was all done with a purpose. It was a process of 6 months which started in January. I spoke to my all other cousins to know what they feel about love marriage. Only a few had no problem with it. So, Then I slowly talked to them about my cousin’s plight. Then I told them about her proposal. They were shocked but, understood what I was up to. After all this, I asked them to talk to their parents about it. We arranged a small get together and casually started this topic and most of them realized what her situation was and gave a nod to the marriage.

The story is not over yet

Actual thing that upset me is, after getting the consent from our family members, we asked her family to go ahead with the marriage procedures. There have been a lot of developments and I’m not being informed about it. My cousin discussed all the details of the marriage and outings she went out with her fiancé with one of my cousin who apposed this marriage, but not me.

When I think of it, I feel betrayed. Its not that she has to ask me or tell me everything first, its like when she needed help she remembered me first and when everything’s sorted she forgot me. Or does she feel whatever I did was not of much importance or is I not important now. I don’t know what she thinks; I feel she has misused me and disrespected my efforts. I waited for a couple of more days, probably thinking that she would call me, but, no response. She is getting engaged on 22nd of this month and yet not given me any message.

I’m sulking inside. Sometimes I feel I’m being dominating, I’m demanding for authority, but at the same time, I feel insulted and neglected. I want to tell her I’m hurt, but I don’t want to spoil her happiness. I don’t want to make her feel guilty.

I’m letting it go.

I’m happy. I have a small part in her happiness.

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