I was going through one of the best phase of my life when I met Dhruva [actually our meeting was arranged by the family]. We hit it off instantly. We knew this is it. We are each other’s destination. We got along very well probably because, we understood each other’s characteristics in the beginning itself. I knew what kind of a person he is, what his likings are. What’s boring to him? So I guess it was easy. He’s a very simple person; he doesn’t have rules and regulations in life. He takes things as they come. He is a very simple person. At the same time, I had made certain things clear about me, and he adapted to them easily.
More than all this it was my presumptions about marriage. There were a lot of things pre induced in me about the future life. Though its mine, I couldn’t dream anything for my life. There were certain rules and regulations to be followed before and after marriage. My mom and relatives around me had said and I myself had seen the way a girl’s life changes after marriage. No matter what happens, we were to live with our husbands and his family. It is me who has to make the compromises to keep it going. We need to have kids soon after the marriage and grow the family. Husbands are the bread earners and wife needs to take care of the family. Children are more important than career. In laws are our new parents. It was all imbibed in me by oral and visual teachings [from the family members]. So, when my marriage was decided with Dhruva, probably all those presumptions of marriage started acting upon and made me bend my life around marriage.
Today when I see my sister [who’s just 4 years younger to me] marriage is just a part of life. Just five years back, Marriage was ‘The life’. The whole perspective of marriage itself has changed in such a short period. We had to compromise a lot of things to keep our marriage going. Today, marriages are just a phase of life. You may or may not go through this phase and still continue to enjoy life. But, during my days, it was so important for a girl to get married, if that doesn’t happen at the right time, our parents would feel ashamed in front of the society. Not just that, no matter you are happy or not, you still had to live with that married tag. Its not so important now. If you think you cant, you can give it up easily with a divorce and people don’t think it to be a big deal either. There are reasons like, “he snores”, “she doesn’t have etiquettes” or simple reasons like “our thoughts doesn’t match” for the divorce.
Youth of today, have taken marriage for granted. Its a noble institution for prosperity that today’s generation is ignoring. They need freedom, Independence, stability, security, which they think is a individual state and cannot be attained in marriage. They have no family values neither the present nor future’s. Once they are married they don’t want to live with their in laws, as there wouldn’t be any privacy. They don’t want to have babies as it would hamper their career growth. They want to be financially independent as they don’t want to depend upon their spouses. They need all luxuries in life, which are equally shared by both partners.
To aggrevate things there are so many crazy addons to modern marriages. Some of the craziest being Insuring your marriage, Alimony agreements and verifications of Property and Bank balances, counseling and what not. Its all mind boggling to me.
For me, Marriage stands on love, understanding and trust on your spouse, otherwise it would just be a bondage among the two.