I get frustrated very soon. Most of the times it’s a small thing, that rubs me on the wrong side. Once I’m upset, the stress sets in so badly that, it shows its effects on my whole body. Suddenly I feel very heavy [which I am] I feel tired, irritated and non focused. I don’t have control over my thoughts. I’m cursing and swearing at people who have troubled me in the past [in my thoughts]. Irritation shows in whatever I do. May it be cooking, dishes or anything for that matter.
People who feel the brunt are my daughter and my husband. They really suffer a lot through my frustration. Though I realize this, its too late. I would have said certain things that would have hurt them real bad. They have never said anything in return [until now]. Probably if this thing continues and I am behaving the same way, I guess they will throw my out of the house one day or put me in a mental asylum very soon.
I need to control my anger, I need to think positive. It must be like, an idle mind is devil’s workshop. Since I have nothing great to worry about, all these silly things really look mean to me. I really need good control over my thoughts and moods.