I’ve been busy for almost a month now. I have made candles almost every day. I had good sale this year. I was happy until I received a call from my uncle on Wednesday. It was surprising to see his name flash on my phone screen as he rarely calls, unless he has a strong reason. He called to give me news of my cousin’s husband’s [brother-in-law] demise. I really didn’t know how to react. He was young and healthy. He didn’t have any bad habits. He was a very nice person. Though we hardly spoke to each other, we had respect for each other. What shook me the most was my cousin’s future? She has two little daughters both of age 14 and 9. They were a happy family. All four of them loved each other and lived a fairy tale life. It was as if somebody had spelt black magic on them. At that moment, I felt sad for her. But, the real thing hit me when we reached their place to pay homage.
The scene left my mind blank without knowing how to react. We went to the cremation the next day that was pathetic. My cousin kept crying and pleading him to come back. These words created a hole in my soul. Trust me, I could feel that hollowness, right in my chest and everything sinking in it.
I couldn’t digest the fact that how Life could be so cruel to anybody. I wondered what I would do if I were in her place. [I didn’t think about my husband’s death, but I imagined of the foundation collapsing of my life] Suddenly I felt, my courage, my confidence, my joy, my pain, my achievements, my failures, my ego… everything I saved as my assets, sank into that hole. I felt like I was naked, standing in front of hundreds and thousands of people and nobody can help. Forget my child; I don’t think I can take care of myself. Where will start from? Who will I go to? What will I do? Who is responsible for all this? It’s not a full stop to my life, but their will be no continuity too…
For the next three days, I continually wandered with hundreds of questions swirling around my head.. Though I was making sweets for the festival, my soul was bitter and numb. For the first time I could see my soul mourning, while I physically, was trying to indulge in the festivities. I felt like we were two different persons. This incident has made a scar on my soul, Even while I’m writing this, my soul is still crying.