Too Weak…

Its been five days and I’m still feeling weak. I still have no strength to run behind my daughter. I’m just tired. I’m too tired to even think.

I think I’m probably mentally tired, mentally weak, which is showing up physically. The only thing that is bothering me is the financial stability. From the time I have started to earn I have been a lavish spender. For me and for people around me [that includes my sister, parents, friends, colleagues]. From my first job where I earned just 3 grands, I have been easy with the money. Then when I joined AOL it was icing on cake. There was no stopping on spending. It never really matter what I spent it on. It may be food, clothes, jewellery… It was always what I wanted.

Once I quit my job [that was after marriage] It has been very difficult with money. The biggest sacrifice of my life ever. At that moment I never thought it was important as I was married and I knew he would take care of all my needs. Or may be I thought it was easy to get another job like that. I don’t even know if I thought about it.

It’s not that my husband is not taking care of my needs, he’s very caring and humble. He does his best. He never says no to what I want. But it’s not like before. Now there’s responsibility. It’s about our future, our daughter, her education, my father in laws health, our growth. So, what ever I wish for comes with a guilt.

Previously, It was all about what I wanted, now its about “Is it necessary?” And this restriction makes me regret those expenses, that decision of quitting a good paying job. This regret is probably leading to depression. I hope I wont be a victim. I need a distraction.

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