Fed Up

[I’m angry] I’m sick and tired of hating my own body. After all I grew up with this. This is me. I have been like this all my life. From the time I remember I’m called  ‘fatty’. I didn’t feel bad when I was small, I didn’t feel bad when I was an adolescent, I didn’t feel bad when I was in college, Didn’t feel bad when I had a successful career with all handsome guys around, I didn’t feel bad when I first met Dhruva. I’m feeling bad When I’m almost nearing 30s, married for 4 years and when I’m a mother of a 20 month old kid. Why is this? Why am I so obsessed with the fab I have carried from birth? I’m treating it very badly. If only it could talk, I would be so humiliated by its words. I’m sorry. I’m sorry to myself.


What’s wrong with me. I am so obsessed about loosing weight at the same time, my craving for food has increased drastically. D says I need to stop. I am going crazy about food. The more I think about the diet, the more I want to eat. I lie to myself. I’m cheating myself.  I can’t have the cake and eat it too… literally. This saying is made by somebody like me. Everybody treats me normal. its only me who hates myself. I don’t know for whom am I doing this? My husband loves me for what I’m. And I never care what others think. He never complains anything about the way I look. He probably, no… I know he loves me a lot from his heart. It’s me who doesn’t like myself.

How will I love somebody if I don’t know to love myself.

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