Crushed!

The other day while I was putting my daughter to sleep, I heard my father in law’s scooter screeching and my mind took off probably…. 15 years back, when I was just 14. We lived in the  I floor of a rented house, off from the main road. This guy had a same kind of scooter (Bajaj is all I know – I don’t remember the model) like my FIL (Father in Law), who would go on rounds around the locality probably to impress the girls there.

It made me happy about me having a crush too… Then I tried to recollect or say, count how many crushes I had until now.

To begin with

@schoolI was probably 13. I was one among the school basketball team. We obviously got to play many tourneys in different places. (the only time we could meet see the guys, as I studied in an ALL GIRLS School). Mr. 8 was a very good Basketball player. He played for Stracy Memorial School. His number was 8 and mine too. I was excited to see his game. He had an amazing foot work. My friends mistook my enthusiasm to liking, for Mr. 8, which was actually not so. But I liked the way my friends teased me, so I continued to act as if I had a crush on him.

During school days, The Bajaj Guy – I mentioned off is my official first crush. I still remember those days; I was around 15. The minute I hear his scooter roaring, I would run to the small balcony we had. I don’t know if he ever noticed, but, I would always be there when he came around. The sound of that machine was beautiful song to my ears, no matter which part of the house I was, it would bring a smile on my face.

@College – None at the age of 16 (again I studied in an ALL GIRLS College and didn’t play Basketball anymore) (Wow… was I in a Nun’s training camp?)

@ MCES (My I Work Place) – None at the age of 19(No exposure) my colleagues wondered. So I cooked up a story, that a tall, fair, handsome guy was following me on a CBZ bike, everywhere I go and I don’t have a clue who that is. (Gosh… I’m ashamed…But I’m saying the truth.)

I’m not a beautiful girl, but I was cute. I received a lot of compliments for my smile.

@ AOL (II Work Place) – This place was fun to be. I was 21. Once I got selected. We were put into trainings. First week was the Knowledge training, all about America and their accents and their living, blah blah… second week was the Process training. I met Bobby… He fitted the bill so well (Bill – the tall, dark, handsome one). No he was not the person I had crush on. It was the ring tone on his phone. Wow, it was the sexiest I’ve ever heard. I would get Goosebumps when I heard it. It was a ‘turn on’ thing to me.

Once I hit the floor, I got to meet a lot of people, of course there was something to like about each person, but this guy was different,, Mr. charm. , I met him in the cab. For me, appearance does matter. He was huge around, dark and wore glasses. He didn’t appeal to me much. But, if you talk to me for 10 minutes, you’ll want to talk to him all day. He knows the trick. And he used it on almost all girls. He was nice guy. He wouldn’t take advantage of this, I guess, he liked to see girls chanting his name all the time. The time when we got close, he was emotionally down as his girlfriend had cheated on him. But, slowly he grew out of it. We used to go out in the weekend; we talked on the phone until the wee hours of mornings. We laughed and cried over many things. At one point of time, I became so attached to him, probably I became possessive and he knew how to detach, but we still maintain our friendship and laugh over it even now. He is a very good friend of mine.

I don’t know if I have to write this. But I will, coz this is a place where I’m true to myself. I was around 24. This guy was in my team. Again, he was very good at his words. (I guess the guys I had crush on, were either good looking or good at talking). I don’t know how to say it, but I had lusty thoughts for him. Just thoughts.

During this time, I met my husband, at that time he was just my would be. I had assumed (Like every other girl) that love happens and when it happens, everything gets rosy and bells ring, and you look the most beautiful and live happily ever after. Well, that’s bull shit.

Love doesn’t happen, it is cultivated.

You begin to like each other. then you try to understand each other and then it transforms to love.

You sow the seeds of liking in your heart, fertilize it with understanding, then you cultivate it into love. then take care of it till death with patience.

I never expressed my feelings to any of the above or anybody else at all, except here. This blog is a mirror to my soul. I have put it out. I had to say it. I did.


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The other day I was putting my daughter to sleep, I heard my father in law’s scooter screeching and my mind took off probably…. 15 years back, when I was just 14. We lived in I floor of a rented house, off from the main road. This guy had a same kind of scooter (Bajaj is all I know – I don’t remember the model) like my FIL (Father in Law), who would go on a beat (is a slang, which mostly means going around the area, to make presence to the girls/boys in the locality) It made happy, that I had a crush too… Then I tried to recollect or probably count how many crushes I had until now.

To begin with

@school – I was probably 13. I was one among the school basketball team. We obviously got to play different tourneys (the only place where we could meet see the guys, as I studied in an ALL GIRLS School). Mr. 8 was very good Basketball player. He played for Stracy Memorial School. His number was 8 and mine too. I would get excited to see his game. He had amazing foot work. My friends mistook my enthusiasm to liking for Mr. 8, which was actually not so. But I was carried away my friends would tease me, so I continued to act as if I had a crush on him.

During school days, The Bajaj Guy – I mentioned off is my official first crush. I still remember those days; I was around 14 – 15. The minute I hear his scooter roaring, I would run to the small balcony we had. I don’t know if he ever noticed, but, I would always be there when he came around. The sound of that machine was beautiful song to my ears, no matter which part of the house I was, it would bring a smile on my face.

@College – None at the age of 16 (again I studied in an ALL GIRLS College) (Wow… was I in a Nun’s training camp?)

@ MCES (My I Work Place) – None at the age of 18(No exposure) my colleagues wondered. So I cooked up a story, that a tall, fair, handsome guy was following me on a CBZ bike everywhere I go and I don’t have a clue that is. (Gosh… I’m ashamed…But I’m saying the truth.)

I’m not a beautiful girl, but I was cute. I have cot lot of compliments for my smile.

@ AOL (II Work Place) – This place was fun to be. I was 21. Once I got selected. We put into trainings. The guys at the training were just one among the billion, First week was the Knowledge training, all about America and their accents and their living, blah blah… second week was the Process training. It was Bobby… He fitted the bill so well (Bill – the tall, dark, handsome one). No he was not the person I had crush on. The most attractive thing about him was the ring tone on his phone. Wow, it was the sexiest I’ve ever heard. I would get Goosebumps when I heard it. It was a ‘turn on’ thing to me.

Once I hit the floor, I got to meet a lot of people, of course there was something to like about each person, but Krishna was a charm. I met him in the cab. For me appearance does matter. He was huge around, dark and wore glasses. He didn’t appeal to me much. But, if you talk to me for 10 minutes, you’ll want to talk to him all day. He knows the trick. And he used it on almost all girls. He was nice guy. He wouldn’t take advantage of this, I guess, he liked to see girls chanting his name all the time. The time when we got close, he was emotionally down as his girlfriend had cheated on him. But, slowly he grew out of it. We used to go out in the weekend; we talked on the phone until the wee hours of mornings. We laughed and cried over many things. At one point of time, I became so attached to him, probably I became possessive and he knew how to detach, but we still maintain our friendship and laugh over it even now. He is a very good friend of mine.

I don’t know if I have to write this. But I will, coz this is a place where I’m true to myself. This guy was in my team. Again, he was very good at his words. (I guess the guys I had crush on, were either good looking or good at talking). I don’t know how to say it, but I had lusty thoughts for him. Just thoughts.

I never expressed my feelings to any of the above or anybody else at all, except here. This blog is a mirror to my soul. I have put it out. I had to say it. I did.

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